Sideways cat says...

Not asking for trouble... asking for help!

2009-03-26T01:47:00.000-07:00

I understand that many people, if not most, will not understand my condition. I realize that it sometimes takes multiple rounds of explanation and neverending patience with my friends before they understand what kind of situation I'm dealing with. The same goes with work; I can't expect any coworker or boss to just 'understand' fibromyalgia/CFS and never question it... but when I do my best to bring it to their attention, with all proper documentation lined up, and with all of the information they could possibly need... only to be shut down.

My schedule change request was denied, which just means that I'm stuck on graveyard until someone else comes along and takes it. I realize it's not the easiest shift to hire someone into, and I would actually ENJOY the hours, if my body could handle the extra stress.

I have high levels of Epstein Barr in my system that occasionally spike up, causing me to have recurring bouts of Mono. It resides in my liver and will make me seriously ill if I get too little sleep, too much stress, or work my body too hard. All of which I'm accomplishing by working graveyard shifts. I'm killing myself without even trying!

I wish there were someone I could call for advice, or for support with this issue. Human Resources treats me like I'm a total waste of their time, and that I'm ridiculous for even asking for help. I have the EEOC contact process, but do I really want to escalate this issue to the state or federal level? I know retaliation is illegal, but PROVING retaliation is impossible, and I know it'll happen. It's happened to others before me, and I'm not so simple as to think she'll give me a break.

The facts are that I'm good at my job, I'm smart, and capable. This schedule diminishes my capabilities by about 50%, and makes me look simply adequate. If I got a good night's sleep, and settled into a regular schedule, I may have a shot at a normal life. Instead, I work overnight while others are sleeping, feeling my body get weaker and weaker, until I end up in the hospital for days.

I'd really like to avoid sickness as much as I can... but there are some giant obstacles in my way. I work because I need the income, healthcare, and livelihood. I'm 27 years old and not about to bow out of the workplace due to an illness. I will get past this. I need to be given a fair opportunity to beat this, and then I can come back to work graveyards, if needed. I like my job, I like my team, and the company... but it goes to show, one person can really ruin it all. I'm somewhat appalled that the one person causing the stress hasn't been called on the carpet.

I'm all about accountability, and if something happens to me because I'm stuck between a rock and proverbial hard place... one person will be responsible.

Burden of Proof... sucks sometimes.

2009-01-24T04:18:00.000-08:00

you don't -prove- fibromyalgia.

you only disprove everything else.

Sideways Cat says, "What's friendship?"

2009-01-23T00:05:00.000-08:00

Wikipedia's definition of Friendship:

Friendship is a term used to denote co-operative and supportive behavior between two or more people. In this sense, the term connotes a relationship which involves mutual knowledge, esteem, and affection and respect along with a degree of rendering service to friends in times of need or crisis. Friends will welcome each other's company and exhibit loyalty towards each other, often to the point of altruism. Their tastes will usually be similar and may converge, and they will share enjoyable activities. They will also engage in mutually helping behavior, such as exchange of advice and the sharing of hardship. A friend is someone who may often demonstrate reciprocating and reflective behaviors. Yet for many, friendship is nothing more than the trust that someone or something will not harm them.

Interesting.

I like to think that I'm a pretty fair person. I'm fairly open-minded, I strive to be a good friend and listener, and I'm good people. I'm not vain or narcissistic, but I am confident. It may come across as cocky and arrogant sometimes, but when you realize that I'm actually humbled every day, by my chronic pain, you may feel differently about me. I fight my battle, and I think I'm allowed to be proud of myself for fighting the pain.

One of the things that I've focused most on, in the past year, has been cutting out relationships or people who have proven toxic to my life. I understand that there is no fail-safe way to avoid drama, it's in our human nature, I don't care what anyone says - we were born to gossip. I do my share, as I'm only human, and misery loves human flesh. Or is it company?

Now, because I have a wide array of useless knowledge, I get along with quite a few people, and tend to make friends quickly and easily. Having a pretty face doesn't hurt the process, either... but I digress... I don't take enough time to truly get to know someone before I invest my time in a friendship (or any relationship, really) with them. It's something is new and fresh, and we can't get enough of it. We lust for it until it wilts and begins to rot due to neglect, it's not as fun anymore. The blame game begins - each blaming the other for the ruining the friendship. This has happened to me recently, and has really knocked me off balance.

Once a friend has poisioned the well, and has created drama and upset for the people surrounding them, they deserve whatever karma has in store for them. I believe "forgive, but never forget" applies in this situation, and I believe that people generally deserve what they get, in the long run. Of course, I'm speaking about someone and something specific, but attempting to relate it to the bigger picture that is my life...

I wish people would think. REALLY think about what they're going to say before they say it. If you have actually done the same thing to me that you are complaining about, then I'm not going to have sympathy, and I'm probably gonna get angry. When you whined about someone not paying rent, crashing on your couch, not complying to your 'requests', and not contributing to housework... I'd like you to take a moment to remember last March, and I'd like you to make sure that you weren't doing those exact same things to me.

Until you realize how your actions and words can affect someone, you need to shut your mouth. You need to think really, really hard about why things went wrong, and where they went wrong, and what part YOU took in the situation. Stop blaming everyone else for your circumstances; they're nobody's fault except your own. I rarely say 'I told you so' - but with that guy, I told you so. He lied, was irresponsible, led two girls on at once, and was an ugly piece of dirt. I picked it up right away, and I was never shy about expressing my opinion, so I don't understand why you're surprised in the least. It may seem unsympathetic, but it's true, and sometimes the truth sucks.

I don't know how I can be friends with someone who thinks I'm being overly dramatic about my pain. People lack compassion for the invisible illnesses - until someone they love is affected. Then, the world is an unfair and unjust place, where only bad things happen to good people... woe is you. I have my days where I'm down in the dumps and not feeling good, but I try not to wallow in my self-pity. The "poor me" pity party thing used to work in high school, but it doesn't get you far as an adult. At some point, I had to learn to manage a full-time life on top of a full-time illness, and I just keep moving along - one foot in front of the other. There really is no other option, the way I see it.

Amendmendt to the ADA Act - January 1st!

2009-01-12T01:30:00.000-08:00

From www.about.com:

On September 25, 2008, the President signed the Americans with Disabilities Act Amendments Act of 2008 ("ADA Amendments Act" or "Act"). The Act makes important changes to the definition of the term "disability" by rejecting the holdings in several Supreme Court decisions and portions of EEOC's ADA regulations. The Act retains the ADA's basic definition of "disability" as an impairment that substantially limits one or more major life activities, a record of such an impairment, or being regarded as having such an impairment. However, it changes the way that these statutory terms should be interpreted in several ways. Most significantly, the Act:

directs EEOC to revise that portion of its regulations defining the term "substantially limits";
expands the definition of "major life activities" by including two non-exhaustive lists:
- the first list includes many activities that the EEOC has recognized (e.g., walking) as well as activities that EEOC has not specifically recognized (e.g., reading, bending, and communicating);
- the second list includes major bodily functions (e.g., "functions of the immune system, normal cell growth, digestive, bowel, bladder, neurological, brain, respiratory, circulatory, endocrine, and reproductive functions");
states that mitigating measures other than "ordinary eyeglasses or contact lenses" shall not be considered in assessing whether an individual has a disability;
clarifies that an impairment that is episodic or in remission is a disability if it would substantially limit a major life activity when active;
provides that an individual subjected to an action prohibited by the ADA (e.g., failure to hire) because of an actual or perceived impairment will meet the "regarded as" definition of disability, unless the impairment is transitory and minor;
provides that individuals covered only under the "regarded as" prong are not entitled to reasonable accommodation; and
emphasizes that the definition of "disability" should be interpreted broadly.

EEOC will be evaluating the impact of these changes on its enforcement guidances and other publications addressing the ADA.

Effective Date:

The ADA Amendments Act is effective as of January 1, 2009.

JFK could see the future!

2009-01-11T01:30:00.000-08:00

"We stand at the edge of a New Frontier—the frontier of unfulfilled hopes and dreams, a frontier of unknown opportunities and beliefs in peril. Beyond that frontier are uncharted areas of science and space, unsolved problems of peace and war, unconquered problems of ignorance and prejudice, unanswered questions of poverty and surplus."

-John F Kennedy

JFK, you could read the future!
That's why the aliens had to destroy you via assasination!!

...Obviously.

Seriously, have we learned NOTHING since 1960?

Ok, I'll give you the civil rights movement (and act, that LBJ later signed into law). We learned our lesson there.

Or did we, California?!?!? - voting down Prop 8? Really?!?
I know I'm not the only one still outraged about it, but what can we do?

When the majority speaks, and the majority is a bunch of conservative ignorant people, I think it's time to build a new majority. Someday logic and empathy will rule in harmony, but until then, we're just another bag of bones shuffling through the lunch line.

"When God gives you lemons... FIND A NEW GOD."
-Powerthirst Commercial

What we aren't told about Gaza...

2009-01-09T21:14:00.000-08:00

I found this interesting article about Gaza at the following link:

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/08/opinion/08khalidi.html?_r=1&ref=opinion

It's a great overview of the history and conflict, on a very basic level.

"NEARLY everything you’ve been led to believe about Gaza is wrong. Below are a few essential points that seem to be missing from the conversation, much of which has taken place in the press, about Israel’s attack on the Gaza Strip.

THE GAZANS Most of the people living in Gaza are not there by choice. The majority of the 1.5 million people crammed into the roughly 140 square miles of the Gaza Strip belong to families that came from towns and villages outside Gaza like Ashkelon and Beersheba. They were driven to Gaza by the Israeli Army in 1948.

THE OCCUPATION The Gazans have lived under Israeli occupation since the Six-Day War in 1967. Israel is still widely considered to be an occupying power, even though it removed its troops and settlers from the strip in 2005. Israel still controls access to the area, imports and exports, and the movement of people in and out. Israel has control over Gaza’s air space and sea coast, and its forces enter the area at will. As the occupying power, Israel has the responsibility under the Fourth Geneva Convention to see to the welfare of the civilian population of the Gaza Strip.

THE BLOCKADE Israel’s blockade of the strip, with the support of the United States and the European Union, has grown increasingly stringent since Hamas won the Palestinian Legislative Council elections in January 2006. Fuel, electricity, imports, exports and the movement of people in and out of the Strip have been slowly choked off, leading to life-threatening problems of sanitation, health, water supply and transportation.

The blockade has subjected many to unemployment, penury and malnutrition. This amounts to the collective punishment — with the tacit support of the United States — of a civilian population for exercising its democratic rights.

THE CEASE-FIRE Lifting the blockade, along with a cessation of rocket fire, was one of the key terms of the June cease-fire between Israel and Hamas. This accord led to a reduction in rockets fired from Gaza from hundreds in May and June to a total of less than 20 in the subsequent four months (according to Israeli government figures). The cease-fire broke down when Israeli forces launched major air and ground attacks in early November; six Hamas operatives were reported killed.

WAR CRIMES The targeting of civilians, whether by Hamas or by Israel, is potentially a war crime. Every human life is precious. But the numbers speak for themselves: Nearly 700 Palestinians, most of them civilians, have been killed since the conflict broke out at the end of last year. In contrast, there have been around a dozen Israelis killed, many of them soldiers. Negotiation is a much more effective way to deal with rockets and other forms of violence. This might have been able to happen had Israel fulfilled the terms of the June cease-fire and lifted its blockade of the Gaza Strip.

This war on the people of Gaza isn’t really about rockets. Nor is it about “restoring Israel’s deterrence,” as the Israeli press might have you believe. Far more revealing are the words of Moshe Yaalon, then the Israeli Defense Forces chief of staff, in 2002: “The Palestinians must be made to understand in the deepest recesses of their consciousness that they are a defeated people.”

I know someone who needs this advice!!!

2008-12-24T22:22:00.000-08:00

http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/worklife/12/22/cb.7.surprising.work.habits/index.html

Riegel says that many people "procrastinate because they are perfectionists. They put off getting started on projects because they want all the conditions to be perfect."

Workers need to remember that perfection isn't always possible and to do the best they can without getting bogged down in unrealistic expectations. Trista Harris, executive director of the Headwaters Foundation for Justice, has a simple suggestion: "Learn to let things be good enough."

Movies are so depressing...

2008-12-16T19:43:00.000-08:00

I'm watching 27 Dresses... and I secretly love it. I have hope for my own wedding as I watch this, even though I've never really thought about what my wedding will be like. I've never been a girl who dreams about her wedding day, but movies always give me dangerous ideas.

I guess I'd get married on a beach, since I love the water and sand, the surf and nature... I'd wear a dress, because that's kind of how things go... but I don't know about white. I love red, so maybe a red dress? My mom would kill me.

Now I just want to find a someone special to fit into the picture. If only they were easy to find... or I were easier to date... or I were healthier... so many "if only"...

It's so stressful, I wonder how anyone gets married at all... I'd be so stressed out and so... manic... I'd probably lose my other half in the process. heh.

Awareness... is sexy.

2008-12-14T19:07:00.000-08:00

This is my type of awareness...

http://polkadotgals.com/index.html

All proceeds go to benefit Fibromyalgia awareness and research.

Amazing. I'm so, so thrilled that this is finally getting press.

I no longer feel like I'm alone and insane!

Fibromyalgia Awareness!

2008-12-14T18:55:00.000-08:00

Fibromyalgia has been recognized by the WHO as a disease since 1992, as mentioned in the list ICO-10, M-79-7, even though it is still questioned by a number of medical professionals. Fibromyalgia is a condition which is characterized by chronic pain and many other symptoms; such as morning myo-acampsia (morning stiffness), sleep disorder, chronic fatigue, and overall fatigue of muscle groups.

Now the fight is happening in Europe, but amongst the entire union. America ignores this disease, doctors treat me like I'm insane, and then they recommend clinical trials that are a) impossible to get into and b) offer no relief to at least half of the participants due to placebo replacements. I can't imagine being on a placebo for six months, with no other meds, as they require. Absolutely absurd!

I encourage anyone aware of this disease to sign the following petition, even if not living in the European union. It's a beginning, somewhere to start, and if Europe is mecca for fibro patients, then it may be time for me to make the trek home. :)

The saddest thing to me is how far behind the US is compared to the rest of the world, yet we consider ourselves to be a leader. We're no leader. We're sheep to the rest of the world. Our current president has been a prime example of a retarded sheep, though I don't want to insult livestock, so I take it back. It's just time for change, and I'm tired of waiting for it, so I'm making it happen for myself.

The website for the European petition is at: http://www.enfa-europe.eu/indexpet.php

The reality of this situation, which affects all the European countries, is that the right of people affected by a chronic disease to have a good quality of life is being ignored. It is therefore called on the medical community, national and European policy makers:

To fight against the skepticism around this disease
To improve the quality of patients' lives
To put in place an individual and interdisciplinary support programmes which allows the patient to stay economically and socially independent, and further avert any form of isolation
To ensure in-depth training of this subject in the mandatory courses of medical experts and medical professionals
To support and assist awareness programmes that will facilitate early diagnosis and early treatment, as well as access to care at any time.
To allocate the adequate aid for scientific research against this pathology
To put in place an EU programme on the exchange of best practices on Fibromyalgia

With this petition, I am signing for a European Union in which the rights of 14 million people affected by Fibromyalgia are recognized.

Dear Doctor...

2008-12-14T15:50:00.000-08:00

Dear Doctors,

First I have to say, not all doctors are included in my anger. Primarily Group Health doctors; particularly Urgent Care doctors [not nurses!]. There have been two separate nurses that actually treated me like I was human, and I find that to be the common theme. The nurses will actually LISTEN to me, while you "doctors" simply read chart notes and make assumptions about my character from there. I know the look on your face, before you open your "educated" mouth, and it sends me on the warpath.

I love proving you wrong. I love being stronger than you think I am. I love that you look at my prescription list and assume I'm a narcotic 'addict' when I'm prescribed ONE narcotic for breakthrough pain... narcotics (morphine, fentanyl, percocet, vicodin) are considered failed attempts at treatment for me. I do not get high from narcotics. I do not have a normal body. If the narcotics addressed my pain, we wouldn't be in this situation.

Then, I come down with -probably the worst- flu I've ever had. I was unable to keep anything in my stomach for SIX days. I know you're aware of how bad the flu affects a normal patient.

Do you understand that I'm not a normal patient? You sent me home -still throwing up- THREE TIMES IN ONE WEEK! Admit me to the hospital if I'm having to come back everyday just to get [2-3 liters of] fluids, you morons. I guess all of that education didn't really pay off - you're just playing by the rules of your HMO at this point. It's not about my health, it's about how much money I'm costing the hospital. Well, TREAT ME AND GET ME HEALTHY AGAIN, and I won't waste your time.

Secondly. Stop looking at me like I'm imagining my pain. If I could imagine my pain, then I could theoretically imagine it away, and trust me, it doesn't work that way.

I was sent home just as sick as I had arrived - every time I went to Group Health. I was told that I was withdrawing from narcotics and that's why I was sick. Guess what? YOU WERE DEAD WRONG. I saw 12 doctors in 3 days, and was treated like a junkie by every single one of you, and you're SUPPOSED to be here to help!

To have to fight for fair treatment in hospitals at 27 years old... I never thought my life would be like this. We all have dreams and aspirations, but I feel like mine have been erased or put on hold due to this illness. I realize I have to live with this for either the rest of my life, or until they find a cure. You doctors are supposed to be compassionate and caring, helpful but not prying. I've never experienced that with a doctor. I'm used to them hearing fibromyalgia and laughing at me.

Just because you don't "believe" in a condition - that doesn't make it any less valid. I realize that this is the problem with the American healthcare system. Even though you have insurance, doctors still reserve the right to berate and belittle any patient at any time. Human rights seem to go out the window when you're ill, and I find that to be a little... backward. All I want is to be treated with dignity and respect, and all I get is questioned and told "you need to stop taking the only medication you've ever found that will help you". Yes, dilaudid is a narcotic. I take 0-16 mg per day, depending on pain. I refrain at work because it can cloud my judgment, and I try to remain clear-headed - at least while working.

I'm sick of it. Not just because I'm tired of being ill; but because I'm tired of being treated like a hypochondriac by the medical professionals that I approach for help. My own parents didn't understand my disease until Friday night, when we got in a fight about it. I had to yell about it and reference the internet twice before they "believed" the amount of pain I was fighting through. When you have to fight your own family, it feels like any safety net or acceptance goes right out the window. It's more painful than I even realized.

I'm miserable. I'm stuck in a body I can't use properly, and I'm at the mercy of my pain - EVERY day I wake up. Eventually, just waking up is exhausting, and I just want it all to go away. I'd be a great candidate for alien abduction - maybe they can fix what's wrong with me - since you seem to fail at every turn.

I only have so much patience left. It's worn thin from everyday activities and everything I've been through, but I have a tiny bit left. I reserve it for my friends, family, coworkers, and bosses. I keep none for myself. If people took the time to really understand me, and my condition, maybe the landscape wouldn't seem so hopeless.

So, doctors, get your shit together. I'm not going to be a pleasant patient anymore. I'm going to be a bitch, and you're going to deal with it. I've dealt with your criticism, doubt, and I'm finished understanding. This is a whole new level of stress and pain I'm experiencing, and it has broken me down so, so badly... I'm a fraction of who I used to be. If my doctors refuse to help, then I'll have no choice but to start some lawsuits that I know the hospital would like to avoid.

I'm not asking for miracles, just a little understanding and hope... because right now, it seems so dark.

Respectfully,
Bitch on wheels (your patient)

En Espanol

2008-12-13T23:12:00.000-08:00

Quiero ser amado... finalmente...

--like I deserve!--

Bad news...

2008-12-13T01:18:00.001-08:00

We lost my Aunt Vicky today.

She was my Mom's older sister; and suffered with chronic illness for most of her life. I know that her struggle was long and difficult, and I'm just trying to be at peace with the fact that she is no longer... here. Even though I live far from my Mom's family, I remember the connection we had when I was a kid and carry that with me to this day.

Family is family. It may not be important to some, but to me, it's everything. I'd be nothing without my family. I thank the powers that be for them everyday, but days like today REALLY make you stand up and take notice of what is important in life.

Vicky, you will be missed. You have left an impact on your friends and family that will not soon be forgotten. For me, you will never be forgotten. Please know that I always loved you, even from far away, and that your final peace will bring me great peace.

Now I have to be strong for my Mom - losing her second sister now - she will be distraught. I'm going to try to make the trip to LA with them, if they can go. I think it would do me good to see the rest of my family now. I really, really miss them, and realize that time is precious, especially in moments like these.

Thanks for all of your support, and understanding while I'm laying low for a few days.

[silent scream]

2008-12-09T18:51:00.000-08:00

I can't spell a scream.

But I wish I could.

I feel like screaming until I lose my voice.

I'm so tired of being unheard and being treated like I'm crazy.

You can only go so long being treated like a mental patient... before you believe you actually are a mental patient.

I swear, I wake up in a psychological haze that I can't shake for the life of me. I know there's something happening, or someone talking to me, but I won't remember that later. I'll just remember being woken up by a group of Sand People singing the macarena. (Which was just my deluded perception of Korby waking me up... to ask something about a grocery shop... heyyyyy macarena).

No wonder I feel crazy. I feel things that aren't there, I see things move when they're not, and I have feelings that seemingly pop out of nowhere. Like this one. Did you know I have absolutely no hope for a better life?

Me either. I didn't know I had that one inside me until it came out in plain conversation. I was able to say that I hope for the end of all of this... without a single emotion passing through my head. I find that a little bit disturbing. Shouldn't I at least care if I survive this?

This is a really, really scary adjustment period to these new medications. I know they're the reason I'm all messed up, but then I start to think what I'd be like without them... and then wonder if I'm messed up because of the meds, or taking the meds because I'm messed up. The cycle bleeds together at some point, and I can no longer distinguish between what is me and what is medication.

I do things that are... completely out of character. I'm emotionally unstable, and can't seem to find the happy medium anymore. I'm frustrated, medicated, and feeling like there aren't a lot of options left.

It's really, really dark in here, and pretty lonely sometimes. I try not to drag normal people into my shadows, but sometimes caring people get sucked into helping me, and I can't stop them. I guess I'm the type A personality that won't let anyone care, so they have to be even stronger type A personality in order to care about me. It takes one to know one, I suppose...

I hope that this helps someone. I know when I read about others' personal struggles, it helps me identify my own, even when I'm not sure what I'm feeling. So, I'm putting my misery to use by writing about it.

What good is misery if I can't exploit it occasionally?

I hope the world at large is in a better state than my mind, but I sincerely doubt it.

[I need to include my thanks to Dan, for giving me good news. A boy like that... damn. I had a permanent smile. You have no idea. I so love you.]

What did I miss?

2008-12-07T01:57:00.000-08:00

I have a friend who is... unreliable at best. She is flighty, non-committal, and I will often go weeks without hearing from her. She grew up with her own issues - I won't discount or belittle her seemingly perfect life - we all have our demons.

However, this friend, after spending the night at my house last week, took my last 100 bill out of my wallet without asking, and left a post-it on my wallet saying she'd bring me 100 back that night (it was Sunday so the banks were closed). If the money had come back that night, I don't think I would have been so stressed.

Starting early Monday morning, I began throwing up, had a fever, etc... and went to the Urgent Care unit to get help. Needless to say, I was totally weak and stressed, and on top of that, had lost my debit card and my 'friend' took the last of my cash. On top of THAT, the doctors sent me home still vomiting. Still had a fever, and was complaining of dizziness (BP = 148/101).

I used my credit cards to get me through (having to charge and borrow money from my parents was not in my plan...). I went back to Urgent Care the next day since I was still sick, and again, they sent me home without relief. I was still vomiting, had a fever, and high blood pressure. They gave me fluids, but I had been unable to keep any medicine in my stomach AT ALL for four days. I started to withdrawl from some of the fibro drugs, as well.

I saw my General Doc on Wednesday, where I didn't get any new answers. Was sent home sick again. I was so frustrated. I was tired, sick, and pissed at doctors in general. If a patient is in pain, and they can't keep their meds down, and there is an IV version available... then they should push it, in my opinion. But, no.

So I went to Overlake Emergency. Yep, that will be an excellent bill to pay... but they treated me like I was a human being! They treated me for pain, nausea, and gave me anti-anxiety meds as well, so I could finally get a full night (or day) of sleep. I was thankful to the doctors and staff there - even though I just received the treatment that I SHOULD have received from ANY doctor.

I ended up in Urgent Care again the next night, hoping that my visit to the ER would show them that they weren't doing their job. But no, the doctor treated me like I was seeking narcotics and was there for that reason alone. (I only complained of abdominal pain, headache, and vomiting when admitted).

I never asked for drugs, I asked for HELP. Doctors read my chart notes and decide that I'm an addict and I'm just itching for that next high. Too bad I don't get high from pain pills. Maybe they should consider that my body doesn't really act normally to drugs... I usually require 2x the doses of any medication, compared to 'normal' patients.

By Friday night, I was feeling better (yeah, almost five days of continuous throwing up)... and I'm down to 140lbs at this point. And I texted my friend to get the 100 bucks back... and was met with a ton of attitude. She basically called me a liar (asking if I had really been to the hospital), and yelled at me over text message for not answering her calls during the week. She treated me like it was my fault that she hadn't paid me back yet.

My door is usually unlocked, and she takes full advantage of that when it benefits her. I'm generous with the things I have - food, drinks, etc. I feel like I get walked all over because people assume I have money. I have worked HARD for the things I have; they weren't given to me by Mommy and Daddy.

I don't live with my parents. I pay my bills on time (usually, excluding hospital bills). I have a car - (that I pay for). I certainly don't take money from my friends without asking.

I pay my friends back - WITHOUT THEM HAVING TO ASK - when I do borrow, or if they happen to front me for anything. I wish more people would be considerate to their so-called friends. Either that, or I need to start tossing people out of my life who have proven themselves to be less than trustworthy.

I hate growing up and getting older. Life lessons suck, bad friendships suck, and I'm tired of being treated like a freakin doormat by everyone.

Unrequited love is almost a fable...

2008-11-30T05:39:00.000-08:00

I'm clueless when it comes to love.

I can usually fake my way through the whole "relationship" thing, but what does that have to do with love?

I mean, relationships have more to do with compromise, faith, trust, compatibility, and mutual adoration than it has to do with... LOVE. Where and when does love come into play?

My parents knew each other for a year, dated for six months, got engaged, and married within a year. That was 28 years ago, and they're still married today, happily, for the majority of the time.

I want to find that kind of companionship. Not just someone who wants to sleep with me, but also is interested in who I am and what I've done, and what I'll do next... I'm curious about what I'll do next, but I want to share that with someone!

I have a someone in my heart and mind; who has been there for awhile... but I have NO idea about their feelings for me. Are we 'just friends' or are we 'friends with potential for more' or 'friends only because I'm dull and don't understand hints' or... 'we feel the same and can't communicate them'.

I have no idea. Is everyone as lost as I am? Or is it really like they say, "you'll know when you meet the right one" and I just haven't met the right one?

It's so frustrating...

2008-11-28T00:02:00.000-08:00

My doctor is ordering me to take two weeks off of work. For most people, this would be whee! vacation! or hooray! couch time! But for me, I'm going to spend most of it around people with medical doctorate degrees. I'm so sad, I could burst into a million pieces and vaporize.

I would give anything to feel no pain for a day. Just for a day, even. I don't know what it's like not to hurt. I know that most people can't swallow that concept - nor do they really want to. Once you put yourself into someone else shoes, you find you might care about them and their well-being. And, well, we can't have that in the workplace, now can we?

I will be somewhat out of reach or out of touch to most people for the next few weeks, and I apologize in advance for my slacking on friendships. I know I've let quite a few of my friendships suffer because of this damn illness, and I'm beyond frustrated by it. The friend I used to be is still in there somewhere - I just need to peel off the layers of pain so that I can come back.

For the people I will lean on heavily for the next few weeks, I love you and thank you for your patience with me. I will not always be easy during this transition - but remember that sometimes, the medicine is doing the talking, and I'm just the incoherent bystander, so please be patient.

To Mister Wiwille - I hope I can count on you for some company - maybe some Mario Kart? I miss you, but sometimes... I'm not so sure... if you miss me? I know my sickness and sadness spills over into our conversations - but at least I'm never anything but honest, right? Oh, and Nacho misses you.

Hopefully I will be able to return to work with no negative stigma attached to me just because I have a disability - I think that's probably my biggest fear. I do my job, I do it well, and I do it during VERY odd hours, with a debilitating disease. Maybe I am too proud, but I am proud of myself for my ability to pull through. I think it's justified pride.

Being able to cope is 90% of life... the other 10% comes from the pharmacy.

Pain Scale Information

2008-11-21T11:08:00.000-08:00

For Children, usually:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pain_scale

Pain is the Fifth Vital Sign.^[1] Pain scales measure patient's pain, using different methods. Pain may be evaluated as a single measure (intensity only) or using several measures (duration and intensity); the Wong-Baker FACES scale as shown above is a commonly used pain scale for pediatric patients and is now used for others; the Brief Pain Inventory uses an interview to assess how pain affects the ability to function in daily life.

For adults to rate pain:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/McGill_Pain_Questionnaire

The McGill Pain Questionnaire, also known as McGill pain index, is a scale of rating pain developed at McGill University by Melzack and Torgerson in 1971.

To use the questionnaire, circle the words that describe your pain but do not circle more than one word in a group. Then when you have that done, go back and circle the three words in groups 1-10 that most convey your pain response. Pick the two words in groups 11-15 that do the same thing. Then pick one word in group 16. Finally, pick 1 word in groups 17-20. At the end you should have seven words that you can take to your doctor that will help describe both the quality of your pain and the intensity of it.

Group 1 Flickering, Pulsing, Quivering, Throbbing, Beating, Pounding

Group 2 Jumping, Flashing, Shooting

Group 3 Pricking, Boring, Drilling, Stabbing

Group 4 Sharp, Gritting, Lacerating

Group 5 Pinching, Pressing, Gnawing, Cramping, Crushing

Group 6 Tugging, Pulling, Wrenching

Group 7 Hot, Burning, Scalding, Searing

Group 8 Tingling, Itching, Smarting, Stinging

Group 9 Dull, Sore, Hurting, Aching, Heavy

Group 10 Tender, Taunt, Rasping, Splitting

Group 11 Tiring, Exhausting

Group 12 Sickening, Suffocating

Group 13 Fearful, Frightful, Terrifying

Group 14 Punishing, Grueling, Cruel, Vicious, Killing

Group 15 Wretched, Binding

Group 16 Annoying, Troublesome, Miserable, Intense, Unbearable

Group 17 Spreading, Radiating, Penetrating, Piercing

Group 18 Tight, Numb, Squeezing, Drawing, Tearing

Group 19 Cool, Cold, Freezing

Group 20 Nagging, Nauseating, Agonizing, Dreadful, Torturing

Tactfully Tactless - learning to communicate is hard!

2008-11-19T04:30:00.000-08:00

I seem to unintentionally hurt people's feelings a lot. I'm a little brash, and speak my mind a little too often for most people's taste. I don't ever intend to hurt anyone - outside of an argument, of course, we've all said things in anger that we don't mean.

I just find that there are so many circumstances that start out with me being polite and kind, but end with me being short tempered and not as tactful, with the other person's feelings bruised.

I try to voice my opinions in ways that people can easily understand and relate to, even if they don't agree. Of course I'm going to sound a little bit confident when I speak, but some view it as stating my opinion as fact.

For anyone or any friend I have done this to, I apologize. It was never my intent to hurt your feelings or change who you are. I was trying to communicate my feelings and seemed to have failed miserably.

I'll never stop speaking my mind, and I'll never stop caring. I will just change the way that I communicate. If something isn't working, you change it up and try something new, right?

I hope that everyone adopts that school of thought. It might make the world a lot nicer place if we consider the direct impact we have on someone with our words alone.

ME/CFS - I am moderate to severe. :(

2008-11-18T05:27:00.000-08:00

www.sleepydust.net

Site has great information about the condition and the effects it has on your life. It also helps outsiders understand what we might be going through... at least a little bit.

I live most days at a 6 on the pain scale...

2008-11-17T22:19:00.000-08:00

I rarely miss work because I can't. There is no backup, no contingency plan if I am sick. I hurt so bad everyday, it takes all of the energy I have just shower in time to go to work. :(

I'm afraid I'm going lose my job if I can't find some way to cope with my pain, and without insurance... I'm not sure how I'd survive. I probably won't, to be honest.

I am afraid I'll hurt my body by taking so many pills in one day. I'm afraid because the pain is so bad, they don't work very well anymore. I will only get worse as I go through life. I'm afraid that I will overdose and will die all alone.

I rely on pain meds so that I can keep working. If I weren't working, I wouldn't need these medications NEARLY as much.

I try to cut back weekends, since my stress and pain are generally lessened, but it has obliterated my social life. My problem isn't the medication, but rather lack of successful pain control methods.

I'm losing weight rapidly - down 20 lbs in three months - and I feel terrible, yet people tell me how "wonderful" I look. Seriously? I'm 5'5" tall and a size 6 to 8. That's not hot. That's unhealthy as hell. Our culture is seriously a mess that people think I look better when I'm in terrible pain, throwing up my meals, and barely functioning - versus weighing a bit more and being healthy.

Anyhow, what do I tell my doctor?

What do I tell the company I work for?

My boss has now written me up for being 2-5 minutes late on two different days last week - boss wants us a minimum of 15 minutes early which means I work no less than a 10.25 hour day (10 hour shift) and get no overtime or comp time, while it can take 3-5 minutes to access our parking garage alone, longer if someone's badge doesn't work! I've had to scan multiple people ahead of me into the garage because theirs doesn't work. The two times I have been written up, I have been in the garage at least five minutes prior to actually being scheduled. All the while, overtime is to be "expected" by salary employees. No regard to my life or health - just EXPECTED.

Today my key didn't work for the floor I work on, and then got stuck in the stairwell when trying to take the stairs. I'm sure I'll get yelled at for not anticipating and arriving 15 minutes early. I'm a salaried employee, I have a shift, and I'm treated like an hourly call center employee who is unable to comprehend the requirements of "work".

Our last conversation about my health:

I say (6:35 PM):
I'm barely keeping my head above water, it feels. I will do my best to keep that outside of work though, I feel really bad that my health has affected my performance this far. I always tend to pride myself on the ability to cope, even when I'm sick or otherwise...

Boss says-
you have had ample time to work through health issues. 'Our company' has been very supportive of your needs. There is no execuse for consistent tardiness. And, there has been incinsistent commucantion with me re: your tardy patterns. You have a choice. You will choose to demonstrate the behviors required of our employees, or not. I hope you choose to demonstrate the capabilities....

(In my head): Uh....... huh. Let me make sure I save this conversation.

On top of everything else I've mentioned, I also work 6pm-4am local time, which deprives me of sleep and sanity on almost an hourly basis. I'm chronically sick and I'm completely stuck.

What do you do when your best just isn't good enough?

Things I shouldn't do...

2008-11-12T02:57:00.002-08:00

Take the key but leave the door unlocked.

Cut my foot on broken glass so that I require stitches.

Somehow, I've done both this week.

I'm starting to feel as crazy as people think I am...

headdesk

2008-11-12T02:57:00.001-08:00

"I regret saying some things I shouldn't have said," Bush told CNN's Heidi Collins when asked to reflect on his regrets over his two terms as president. "Like 'dead or alive' and 'bring 'em on.' My wife reminded me that, hey, as president of the United States, be careful what you say."

I voted!

2008-11-05T23:20:00.000-08:00

It feels good to know that we have an end in sight. I'm relieved that both the Bush years are down to Bush months, and that Barack Obama won the Presidency. I'm anxiously awaiting his appointment of Chief of Staff, as well as the rest of his cabinet, because you can never tell someone's character without knowing their friends. Or at least co-workers... it takes more than one man to run a government, but only one to really change it.

I have a lot of hope. I've been a fan since he ran and lost in Chicago the first time - I remembering thinking - holy shit that guy can talk. I have always been a fan of politics everywhere, so when they're in my backyard, I tend to listen.

I feel like this is a triumph for all of our civil rights, oh - except those who have states who voted them away. In California, Prop 8 is passing.

This election day was met with a bittersweet finish, for my tastes. Some people found hope, while others had their lifestyle and marriage destroyed. America is such a melting pot of ideas and cultures, to think that anyone's morals or values are above another's... is ludicrous.

I celebrate for President-to-be Obama, VP-to-be Biden, and their network of people who helped them win the race. I celebrate for America, because this is the chance we have at changing things for a generation. I don't know if you ever get a second chance at change. Well, besides the next election in 2012...

There are reasons why Obama is ahead...

2008-10-31T19:11:00.000-07:00

I found this article to be entertaining, and thought others might, too.

"The blue-collar Democrats who bought into those issues over a shot and a beer have had an awakening. They found that embracing God and guns and hating gays doesn't put any food on the table."

Finally.

Finally!

... Finally?

... Realizing their personal morals don't make the world go round, it's the economy, social health of the country, and your personal contribution to the two that will bring this country back up. Not before it falls a bit more, mind you...

http://www.post-trib.com/news/james/1253123,james.article

Voting without borders!

2008-10-30T07:28:00.001-07:00

This website is very cool. Vote how you're going to vote, and view the instant results. Then spread the word. We'll see how close we are after election day.

http://www.iftheworldcouldvote.com/

Obama 08!

Fail WASL = Fail Life??

2008-10-26T09:04:00.000-07:00

Readers may know already that I have a violent and sometimes painful reaction to stupid things, people, rules, etc...

With that in mind, and Election Day looming just around the corner, I wanted to take a moment to influence whomever may still be questioning their choice for Superintendent of Schools. This office is publicly elected, and currently held by Terry Bergerson.

While I'm sure Ms. Bergerson is a fairly nice and considerate citizen, her beliefs in teaching methods are absolutely baffling to me. She is one of the main supporters of the implementation of the WASL test for our public schools - as a method of measuring children's learning.

Students in grades 3-8 and 10 take the WASL each spring in reading and math. Students also are tested in writing in grades 4, 7 and 10, and science in grades 5, 8 and 10.

For anyone who has suffered through the WASL, or the SAT or LSAT even, will know that no 4th grader should be subjected to three days of testing to deterimine your ultimate level of success when it comes to education. Teachers MUST teach to the test, students must take the test, students must pass the test or get held back, the cycle goes on...

http://www.k12.wa.us/assessment/WASL/default.aspx

While I'm sure the original intentions were good, standardized testing is an archaic method of measuring one's intelligence. We're smarter than that now, and we need a Superintendent who has actually worked in the field and has experienced the shortcomings first hand.

That said, I support Randy Dorn for Superintendent of Schools in the 2008 Washington State Election. He's a former teacher and principal, has served seven years in the State House of Representatives, and has worked on different education committees and boards throughout his career.

I KNOW this position is often overlooked by voters - just a little bit of research goes a long way - and having family that works within the school districts really gives a different perspective on what this position requires.

My mom has worked in the Issaquah School District for over 25 years and has seen the destructive results of standardized testing. Please appoint Randy Dorn as Superintendent, so we can work toward fair education standards, and children may fail, but maybe that is what it will take in order to get the best possible education.

I don't have kids, nor do I plan on having kids, but I think this is an important issue for anyone who has or will have kids entering public schools within the next 5-7 years. This election could really change the landscape, and Washington could become an Educational Pioneer!

Penetrating space... Virgin Style.

2008-10-25T20:10:00.000-07:00

Hello friends!

You might have heard about this project... www.virgingalactic.com

Who they are:

"Virgin Galactic expects to be the first company to provide sub-orbital flights to the general public (and certainly the best!) but does not regard itself as being in a race. We have no absolute or forced deadlines for launch, made possible by the fact that we are fully and independently funded by Sir Richard Branson and the Virgin Group."

Where they're launching:

"Virgin Galactic's space flights will initially operate from the Mojave Spaceport, in the Californian desert. Virgin Galactic will then establish its headquarters and operate its space flights from the world's first purpose built commercial spaceport, 'Spaceport America' in [Truth or Consequences] New Mexico."

But here's what caught me by surprise...

"Funded by the New Mexico state government and now in course of design and construction, it will provide cutting edge facilities and a wonderful location for fledgling astronauts to realise their dreams."

I was blindingly unaware that individual states were now funding space programs. I wonder what kind of relationship Richard Branson and Gov. Bill Richardson have?

As for cost: "Tickets cost $200,000 and deposits start from $20,000."

Sweet. I'll take two.

2008-10-25T18:54:00.000-07:00

Thoughts on this election - from Talib Kweli.

http://rap.about.com/od/articles/a/KwelionObama08.htm

It is the last year of the Bush administration and thank God. I usually rail against being described as simply [a] "political rapper," and I haven't voted since Bill Clinton first ran for President. I was following the tradition that Black Americans have had of voting for Democrats since we got the right in 1964 (temporarily). Then, Clinton, as president's [presidents] go, seemed better than Bush Sr., but I did not like his policies in Sudan or the constant bombing of Iraq. I also did not like the way our government dragged us through the Lewinsky scandal. I felt betrayed by the system, and I stopped voting, no longer accepting of the lesser of two evils. I knew the two party system was designed to fail us. I knew that politicians must lie for a living, because it would be impossible to make good on their promises. I knew about the lobbyists and the PAC. I did not make it my issue, but if someone asked me, I would explain why I didn't vote. Most of the time people talked to me like I [had] lost my mind, but every once in awhile someone understood.

I knew that our ancestors fought and died for the right to vote, but I didn't feel like voting for the lesser of two evils in a broken system was the proper way to honor them. It was pageantry, and I wasn't with it. I wasn't with Vote or Die, because I knew that voting itself, with no real knowledge of who is paying these candidates to run million dollar a day campaigns, is far from a revolutionary act. I haven't even started to talk about the electoral college that they taught us about in grade school. In this republic, [delegates'] votes are counted, and states with more land have more votes. You can technically have more votes, but lose the election. When the verdict is in question, the Supreme Court decides, as they did when Al Gore clearly won the election but lost due to bipartisan bullsh*t. The bankers of the world pay our politicians, and often tailor laws and regulations to line their own pockets. I have often stated that I cannot participate in a system that not only is designed to see me fail, but corrupts itself as well.

This was all before Barack Obama threw his hat in the ring. I, like many, appreciated his effort from the sidelines, watching him do the dance on the news. I found myself relating to him and enjoying hearing him speak, but I still remained distrustful of politicians in general. I felt like I could serve my community in many ways on a grassroots level that preceeded politics. I started to see the Obama campaign doing that grassroots work. I hear him speaking about poor people, the environment, things that I haven't heard from politicians who have electability. My criticism of the political system is that it siphons out rational thought because you have to be all things to all people. You can't stand for anything doing that.

I remember when Obama spoke out against the war, early. I think the time he spent as a civil rights attorney on Chicago's south side gives him a unique perspective. I often hear about his lack of experience, but his experience is one that I most closely identify with. I'm not saying I could be president, but I am saying that our government could use a new energy. In order for a revolution to happen, you need revolutionary writers, soldiers, teachers, poets, musicians, garbage men, cab drivers, politicians, across the board. Everyone will not always agree, but the things we agree on, we should strengthen. When I was younger, none of this really mattered. Now I have two beautiful children, and Barack Obama is an incredibly positive influence on them. I want them to know they can be anything they want.

With that said, I still feel the same as I do about the political system, and one man can't change it. But this man deserves our support nonetheless. I appreciate what he's doing, and there comes a time in history when change is necessary for all of us to prosper. I can't be critical of a society that is scared of change, but be stubborn in my ways for the sake of it.

I support Barack Obama and encourage others to take a real look at his campaign so they can come to their own conclusions. I am not delusional about what the office of the president represents, but my support for him is just that, support for someone speaking my language amidst an ocean of doubletalk.

Thank you for you time.

Talib Kweli, CEO, Blacksmith

I'm pretty sure they can all hear my heart beating out of my chest...

2008-10-23T08:19:00.000-07:00

The store is too brightly lit for five in the morning. It smells like a strange mix of halloween candy, makeup, and photo processing chemicals. Ah, the aroma.

Luckily, I have a friend along side me, to support me, in case I panic and become suddenly irrational... they can do the talking for me.

Thankfully, I'm able to approach the store employee and easily procure all of the items I'd intended to buy [without any of the embarrassing or horrific outcomes I'd imagined coming true]. Success!

Most of the fear and confusion I've had surrounding today has had nothing to do with the current situation or people who are in my life at this time. It had everything to do with a situation that I was forced to deal with almost 8 years ago. Then is not now, and they are not you. I am obviously not the same as I was 8 years ago. I grew and fought.

The pain, fear, and sadness might eventually fade with time; but my dreams will always be filled with the memories of powerlessness. I'm haunted by the images I remember, and terrified of the ones I can't recall.

I'm different and the same, now. The things that have happened in order to shape my life have been extraordinary, baffling, and frustrating at varying times. I'm never afraid to be alone... it's being lonely that I'm afraid of... and when you push enough people away, you end up both alone and lonely.

Then what?

We're screwed if she gains power...

2008-10-22T21:53:00.000-07:00

From her interview with People Magazine, found here: http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20235099,00.html

People: Have you traveled with the kids anywhere in the lower 48?

SP: Yes. Many, many, many times. Yes. Yes. We go to Hawaii often. That's a good trip for Alaskans because it's a direct flight down there.

*head to desk*

Please, Republicans. Please.
I'm begging you.

Use whatever common sense you have.
If you have none; you may borrow mine.

2008-10-19T02:02:00.000-07:00

If you choose to vote, please be informed:
http://ballotpedia.org/wiki/index.php/Washington

2008 General Election Voters' Guide:

http://wei.secstate.wa.gov/osos/en/Pages/OnlineVoterGuideGeneral2008.aspx?electionid=26

Vote smart!

Obama-Biden Tax Calculator

2008-10-18T21:15:00.001-07:00

Go ahead, just for kicks...

Very clever!

2008-10-17T00:16:00.000-07:00

I believe Sarah Palin is a poor representation of "women" in the US. I'm certainly not like her, nor do I aspire to be like her. It's not just her politics. Those are bad, but her personality has proven to be even worse.

She refers to her Wasilla-born supporters as the "everyday joe".

Who the hell am I, then... the single twenty-something woman, gainfully employed, with no children, who pays her taxes early every year, but still can't get ahead? I'm pretty sure that's on the back burner, along with the heap of taxes placed upon those of us without the benefit of "deductions".

Our society is obsessed with obtaining things. Why? Because you get money. People like money, because they're either greedy or needy.

I believe that as you place a greater burden on the system, you pay more taxes. Make more money? More taxes. Own lots of land? More taxes. Make less money? Less taxes. Own no land? Less taxes.

Mo money, mo problems, more taxes. You're paying for "freedom", remember?

It unsettles me that Warren Buffett is paying 17% income tax while I pay 25% or more.

What irks me more is giant corporations pay taxes, with all of these loopholes and write-offs, tax breaks and careless spending without consequence. The individual is less of a problem for the system than the corporation in this day and age. Our corporations call the shots now. Of all of the billions of dollars Chevron, Shell, Exxon, etc are making, they could solve our national debt and give us all some spending cash. If the companies came about their profits 'fairly' I may feel different, but the slime/lobbying that exists in the oil industry is disgusting.

[just an example. the oil industry is not the only example of corruption and greed, and not all corporations are corrupt and greedy. no sense in generalizing unfairly.]

It's time to change the playing field so the middle class [what's left of it] has a chance to survive as waters keep rising, trying to flood us out...

I pray by the time I'm her age, I won't have committed a fraction of the moral and federal crimes that this woman has been able to commit, seemingly without consequence.

Play here:

http://www.palinaspresident.us/

Ooooh... I hate polls.

2008-10-16T23:41:00.000-07:00

As a voter, I hate polls. I never get polled!!

I always feel under-represented as the cynical democrat turned independent-socialist-liberal.

I frequent www.pollster.com, to see if my unique political mindset might have been represented at any point... alas, no luck.

A friend recommended this site, and I recommend it as well, as it is a more in-depth analysis... http://www.fivethirtyeight.com/ Great information; everything from Tipping Point States to Likely Electoral Votes. Check it out.

With this year's political season entering its final weeks, I'm starting to follow the election.

I've researched the candidates and their views, listened to the three Presidential debates and one VP debate, and have done my best to be [what I consider] an "informed voter".

I have a hard time dealing with the fact that there are things about both candidates I'll never know, but I suppose that's true of all people. How do you know that new friend you've just made wasn't a serial killer in her hometown of Lafayette, Louisiana? People's true colors and intentions rarely come out until they're put in the situation, under the gun.

That said, I don't believe ANY job will prepare you to be President, so we rely on candidates to "prove" that they have good judgment, diplomacy, and communication.

I don't want a president who will go around bucking convention for convention's sake; I want a president who will learn from our past 100 years of progress [and failures] and take us forward. I don't mind a president who learns on the job, so long as they're making decisions based on sound judgment, with the input of other intelligent people.

I want my president to be intelligent.
President of the Harvard Law Review?
Yes, please.

I realize that real-world experience is invaluable.
But... a Harvard degree... man, that's hard to beat.
[Especially when his wife has one to match.]

I'm [generally] in favor of more intelligent people in power, across the board.

Call me crazy, but if you have to pass difficult physical and emotional tests to become a Navy SEAL, why would we expect any less of our president?

I'm in favor of implementing an American Gladiators Gauntlet, followed by Jeopardy-style trivia, followed by a debate; all occurring within three days.

Maybe that'll be enough to prove you're worthy enough to lead.
We're all waiting for proof, but unfortunately, we're don't get it until we cast our ballot.

On November 4, 2008 we will make history.
On January 20, 2009 we will make change.

Dedicated to my dear friend Wiwille (sirsurly)

2008-10-16T08:16:00.000-07:00

I wasn't tagged by Wiwille, but I'm going to pretend he's not ridiculously apathetic.

Rules:

1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Mention the rules on your blog.
3. List six unspectacular things about you.
4. Tag six other bloggers by linking to them.

Six unspectacular things about Jessica:

1. I don't like tomatoes or tomato products. Including ketchup.
2. I have Fibromyalgia.
3. I like Obama's communication skills and intelligence.
4. I've never watched Indiana Jones.
5. I've never had a meatball sub.
6. I have 3 cats.

I don't have anyone to tag. :(

You remind me of the babe... What babe?

2008-10-12T02:26:00.000-07:00

The highly anticipated new video for Britney Spears' new single, Womanizer, has just been released. Please, take a listen. I'll give you a minute to think it over on your own.

http://www.mtv.com/overdrive/?vid=288244

Mmm. That was hot, huh? I mean, I give the girl credit where credit is due. Bravo on looking like you never had kids. Too bad you also acted as if you never had kids, as well. However, Team Britney swears that this is just a temporary setback (yeah, temporary) and that her career will return to at least a pale shadow of its former glory. There is nobody I know that would reject naked Britney in a sauna, she looks amazing as either a dangerous redhead and with a short black bob suited for any dominatrix. I'm sure her sons are so proud... sniff.

The music is a gimmick, the poor girl is a gimmick, and she's been used by American media for way too long. Free Britney! Let her just... return to her southern roots. Playing amongst broken, smashed cars, rusted washing machines in the yard, and tree climbin' are all just part of growing up in America, after all. We want to make sure that the Spears' kids have the same down-home country childhood that was provided for Britney and Jamie-Lynn. Those boys will be in show business as soon as they can say "con-tract" or when they escape. Whatever comes first.

Thank you, MTV, for reminding me why I'm angry at you. Not only for feeding the consumer machine. Oh, no my friend. Also for bastardizing music and dictating the 10 songs that America will deem "AWESOME" and "so hot" for two weeks; until something shiny or The Jonas Brothers distract them.

MTV, I'll respect you when you actually PLAY MUSIC on your music television station.
Britney, good luck escaping the Labyrinth.

Blogs are social suicide waiting to happen.

2008-10-12T00:55:00.000-07:00

I'm bound to make a mistake. Change my story, exaggerate a fact, forget a detail... all of those things that humans do on a regular basis, sometimes without noticing.

For that reason alone, I refuse to post (personal) relationship information on my blog. Does that make me boring? No. And, F you. It makes me responsible. It says to me that I respect the bond I might have with another person well enough to leave our details offline, away from Google's sneaky search algorithms that seem to find the tiniest detail. The detail that comes out at exactly the wrong time... at work, in a new friendship, or to your parents, even.

I've been fired from a job (after I quit) because I mentioned that the following Friday would be my last day at (insert specific company name here). Since my blog was not private, the company considered it to be slanderous to write about them in ANY manner in my blog, and that I would be better off finishing my last two weeks of work from home. After I surrender keys and badge, of course...

If I have to hear one more news story, read one more whiny blog, or hear ONE MORE friend cry over posting information (that may or may not be in their best interest) and receiving the consequences, I might blow my lid. At the very least, I'm not listening anymore. Stop making stupid decisions and perhaps... well, maybe stupid things will stop happening to you!

Also, unrequited love is more common that love that works. Love alone is not enough. Give me loyalty and compassion. Love begins with caring about others more than you care about yourself. Putting the needs of others in front of yours when it matters. Learn how to balance your energy so that you have enough for both yourself and your mate. You're no good to anyone if you're limp and lifeless... what ever happened to the idea of finding my "better half"? Is all hope lost?

Reading anonymous letters to blogger's unrequited loves has made me laugh at most people, cry for a few of them, and genuinely hope that I find my better half. Since I don't have a better half, I can write a letter to what I hope they may be...

To my better half,

We're smart enough to know that love is not enough alone. We know we can't read each others minds. We respect each other because we're both intelligent, funny, and worldly. We love to travel, and love to stay home, all in moderation. I care about your day, and how you're feeling, but don't feel the need to constantly talk about it, which you find refreshing. You fall in love with me because after learning your favorite candy on our first date, I come prepared to our second date (at a movie we'll both like). You enjoy the company of my friends, and I enjoy your goofy friends. We will inevitably do some of the things couples do... Hikes, camping, BBQ with friends, weekend trips, road trips, and painting my kitchen/bath/bedroom or whatever may need painting at the time... :)

We're not with any organized religion, we're both politically interested, open-minded. We might like to watch things like the Presidential Debates and get our kicks at the expense Fox News, but my DVR is also full of shows... the office, days of our lives (which i won't force you to watch, don't worry), my name is earl, various travel channel and history channel programs, entourage, psych, and Paris Hilton's My New BFF. Yes, I'm serious. I'm also the right mix of smart, sassy, sweet, and successful. I believe in myself and am excited for the twists and turns that life provides. I'm looking for someone... a partner in crime, if you will, to navigate the road with me.

And I put out.
Yes, really.
Once you've proven yourself to be reliable, forthright, and at least 2 of the things I mentioned above. Now, wait for it... I just chased away 99% of the men that might have had a chance with me. The last 1% wears tighty whities, which requires a prompt and quiet exit from my dating life. Tighty whities haunt me in my dreams and are not what my potential sexy man should wear for my viewing pleasure. *shudder*

Dating is meant to expose you to different people, of which some may be worthy of my love, right? I think I'm going to wait til I heal a bit more before I attempt that. It sounds like this might be a lot of work.

John McCain - Has not yet heard of Chernobyl

2008-10-11T08:38:00.000-07:00

(CNN) -- Republican vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin denied Saturday that she had abused her power as Alaska's governor, a conclusion reached by a state investigator in a report released the day before.

http://edition.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/10/11/palin.investigation/

I need to learn how she just ignores the findings of an independent and theoretically unbiased and fully objective state investigator.

State investigator: She's a she-beast battle-axe armed with a rifle and golden blonde highlights!

Sarah Palin's response: "Nu-uh... Maverick!"
(don't quote me, I'm para-phrasing and imaginating)

Clearly, I'm having a hard time with this political season. I need to make sense of it all, so I swore celibacy (okay, attempted celibacy) on my collection of Cosmopolitan, US Weekly, and People Magazines. They were the most sacred text available in the land.

Sideways cat says, vote with your brain. If you don't have a brain, don't vote.

If you give a mouse a website...

2008-10-10T22:23:00.000-07:00

Well, I figure if I'm going to take over the world (by which I mean my couch), I might as well dominate as many websites as possible... myspace, facebook, livejournal... and now Blogger.

I apologize in advance [no, not fucking really] because I'm bound to make someone mad. Extra points if I make someone cry.

For those of you who know me, hooray!
For those of you yet to know me, just... wait.

Now time for pie.