I live most days at a 6 on the pain scale...

I rarely miss work because I can't. There is no backup, no contingency plan if I am sick. I hurt so bad everyday, it takes all of the energy I have just shower in time to go to work. :(

I'm afraid I'm going lose my job if I can't find some way to cope with my pain, and without insurance... I'm not sure how I'd survive. I probably won't, to be honest.

I am afraid I'll hurt my body by taking so many pills in one day. I'm afraid because the pain is so bad, they don't work very well anymore. I will only get worse as I go through life. I'm afraid that I will overdose and will die all alone.

I rely on pain meds so that I can keep working. If I weren't working, I wouldn't need these medications NEARLY as much.

I try to cut back weekends, since my stress and pain are generally lessened, but it has obliterated my social life. My problem isn't the medication, but rather lack of successful pain control methods.

I'm losing weight rapidly - down 20 lbs in three months - and I feel terrible, yet people tell me how "wonderful" I look. Seriously? I'm 5'5" tall and a size 6 to 8. That's not hot. That's unhealthy as hell. Our culture is seriously a mess that people think I look better when I'm in terrible pain, throwing up my meals, and barely functioning - versus weighing a bit more and being healthy.

Anyhow, what do I tell my doctor?

What do I tell the company I work for?

My boss has now written me up for being 2-5 minutes late on two different days last week - boss wants us a minimum of 15 minutes early which means I work no less than a 10.25 hour day (10 hour shift) and get no overtime or comp time, while it can take 3-5 minutes to access our parking garage alone, longer if someone's badge doesn't work! I've had to scan multiple people ahead of me into the garage because theirs doesn't work. The two times I have been written up, I have been in the garage at least five minutes prior to actually being scheduled. All the while, overtime is to be "expected" by salary employees. No regard to my life or health - just EXPECTED.

Today my key didn't work for the floor I work on, and then got stuck in the stairwell when trying to take the stairs. I'm sure I'll get yelled at for not anticipating and arriving 15 minutes early. I'm a salaried employee, I have a shift, and I'm treated like an hourly call center employee who is unable to comprehend the requirements of "work".

Our last conversation about my health:

I say (6:35 PM):
I'm barely keeping my head above water, it feels. I will do my best to keep that outside of work though, I feel really bad that my health has affected my performance this far. I always tend to pride myself on the ability to cope, even when I'm sick or otherwise...

Boss says-
you have had ample time to work through health issues. 'Our company' has been very supportive of your needs. There is no execuse for consistent tardiness. And, there has been incinsistent commucantion with me re: your tardy patterns. You have a choice. You will choose to demonstrate the behviors required of our employees, or not. I hope you choose to demonstrate the capabilities....

(In my head): Uh....... huh. Let me make sure I save this conversation.

On top of everything else I've mentioned, I also work 6pm-4am local time, which deprives me of sleep and sanity on almost an hourly basis. I'm chronically sick and I'm completely stuck.

What do you do when your best just isn't good enough?

Things I shouldn't do...

Take the key but leave the door unlocked.

Cut my foot on broken glass so that I require stitches.

Somehow, I've done both this week.

I'm starting to feel as crazy as people think I am...

*headdesk*

"I regret saying some things I shouldn't have said," Bush told CNN's Heidi Collins when asked to reflect on his regrets over his two terms as president. "Like 'dead or alive' and 'bring 'em on.' My wife reminded me that, hey, as president of the United States, be careful what you say."

I voted!

It feels good to know that we have an end in sight. I'm relieved that both the Bush years are down to Bush months, and that Barack Obama won the Presidency. I'm anxiously awaiting his appointment of Chief of Staff, as well as the rest of his cabinet, because you can never tell someone's character without knowing their friends. Or at least co-workers... it takes more than one man to run a government, but only one to really change it.

I have a lot of hope. I've been a fan since he ran and lost in Chicago the first time - I remembering thinking - holy shit that guy can talk. I have always been a fan of politics everywhere, so when they're in my backyard, I tend to listen.

I feel like this is a triumph for all of our civil rights, oh - except those who have states who voted them away. In California, Prop 8 is passing.

This election day was met with a bittersweet finish, for my tastes. Some people found hope, while others had their lifestyle and marriage destroyed. America is such a melting pot of ideas and cultures, to think that anyone's morals or values are above another's... is ludicrous.

I celebrate for President-to-be Obama, VP-to-be Biden, and their network of people who helped them win the race. I celebrate for America, because this is the chance we have at changing things for a generation. I don't know if you ever get a second chance at change. Well, besides the next election in 2012...

There are reasons why Obama is ahead...

I found this article to be entertaining, and thought others might, too.

"The blue-collar Democrats who bought into those issues over a shot and a beer have had an awakening. They found that embracing God and guns and hating gays doesn't put any food on the table."

Finally.

Finally!

... Finally?

... Realizing their personal morals don't make the world go round, it's the economy, social health of the country, and your personal contribution to the two that will bring this country back up. Not before it falls a bit more, mind you...

http://www.post-trib.com/news/james/1253123,james.article

Voting without borders!

This website is very cool. Vote how you're going to vote, and view the instant results. Then spread the word. We'll see how close we are after election day.

http://www.iftheworldcouldvote.com/

Obama 08!

Fail WASL = Fail Life??

Readers may know already that I have a violent and sometimes painful reaction to stupid things, people, rules, etc...

With that in mind, and Election Day looming just around the corner, I wanted to take a moment to influence whomever may still be questioning their choice for Superintendent of Schools. This office is publicly elected, and currently held by Terry Bergerson.

While I'm sure Ms. Bergerson is a fairly nice and considerate citizen, her beliefs in teaching methods are absolutely baffling to me. She is one of the main supporters of the implementation of the WASL test for our public schools - as a method of measuring children's learning.

Students in grades 3-8 and 10 take the WASL each spring in reading and math. Students also are tested in writing in grades 4, 7 and 10, and science in grades 5, 8 and 10.

For anyone who has suffered through the WASL, or the SAT or LSAT even, will know that no 4th grader should be subjected to three days of testing to deterimine your ultimate level of success when it comes to education. Teachers MUST teach to the test, students must take the test, students must pass the test or get held back, the cycle goes on...

http://www.k12.wa.us/assessment/WASL/default.aspx

While I'm sure the original intentions were good, standardized testing is an archaic method of measuring one's intelligence. We're smarter than that now, and we need a Superintendent who has actually worked in the field and has experienced the shortcomings first hand.

That said, I support Randy Dorn for Superintendent of Schools in the 2008 Washington State Election. He's a former teacher and principal, has served seven years in the State House of Representatives, and has worked on different education committees and boards throughout his career.

I KNOW this position is often overlooked by voters - just a little bit of research goes a long way - and having family that works within the school districts really gives a different perspective on what this position requires.

My mom has worked in the Issaquah School District for over 25 years and has seen the destructive results of standardized testing. Please appoint Randy Dorn as Superintendent, so we can work toward fair education standards, and children may fail, but maybe that is what it will take in order to get the best possible education.

I don't have kids, nor do I plan on having kids, but I think this is an important issue for anyone who has or will have kids entering public schools within the next 5-7 years. This election could really change the landscape, and Washington could become an Educational Pioneer!

Penetrating space... Virgin Style.

Hello friends!

You might have heard about this project... www.virgingalactic.com

Who they are:

"Virgin Galactic expects to be the first company to provide sub-orbital flights to the general public (and certainly the best!) but does not regard itself as being in a race. We have no absolute or forced deadlines for launch, made possible by the fact that we are fully and independently funded by Sir Richard Branson and the Virgin Group."

Where they're launching:

"Virgin Galactic's space flights will initially operate from the Mojave Spaceport, in the Californian desert. Virgin Galactic will then establish its headquarters and operate its space flights from the world's first purpose built commercial spaceport, 'Spaceport America' in [Truth or Consequences] New Mexico."

But here's what caught me by surprise...

"Funded by the New Mexico state government and now in course of design and construction, it will provide cutting edge facilities and a wonderful location for fledgling astronauts to realise their dreams."

I was blindingly unaware that individual states were now funding space programs. I wonder what kind of relationship Richard Branson and Gov. Bill Richardson have?

As for cost: "Tickets cost $200,000 and deposits start from $20,000."

Sweet. I'll take two.

Thoughts on this election - from Talib Kweli.

http://rap.about.com/od/articles/a/KwelionObama08.htm

It is the last year of the Bush administration and thank God. I usually rail against being described as simply [a] "political rapper," and I haven't voted since Bill Clinton first ran for President. I was following the tradition that Black Americans have had of voting for Democrats since we got the right in 1964 (temporarily). Then, Clinton, as president's [presidents] go, seemed better than Bush Sr., but I did not like his policies in Sudan or the constant bombing of Iraq. I also did not like the way our government dragged us through the Lewinsky scandal. I felt betrayed by the system, and I stopped voting, no longer accepting of the lesser of two evils. I knew the two party system was designed to fail us. I knew that politicians must lie for a living, because it would be impossible to make good on their promises. I knew about the lobbyists and the PAC. I did not make it my issue, but if someone asked me, I would explain why I didn't vote. Most of the time people talked to me like I [had] lost my mind, but every once in awhile someone understood.

I knew that our ancestors fought and died for the right to vote, but I didn't feel like voting for the lesser of two evils in a broken system was the proper way to honor them. It was pageantry, and I wasn't with it. I wasn't with Vote or Die, because I knew that voting itself, with no real knowledge of who is paying these candidates to run million dollar a day campaigns, is far from a revolutionary act. I haven't even started to talk about the electoral college that they taught us about in grade school. In this republic, [delegates'] votes are counted, and states with more land have more votes. You can technically have more votes, but lose the election. When the verdict is in question, the Supreme Court decides, as they did when Al Gore clearly won the election but lost due to bipartisan bullsh*t. The bankers of the world pay our politicians, and often tailor laws and regulations to line their own pockets. I have often stated that I cannot participate in a system that not only is designed to see me fail, but corrupts itself as well.

This was all before Barack Obama threw his hat in the ring. I, like many, appreciated his effort from the sidelines, watching him do the dance on the news. I found myself relating to him and enjoying hearing him speak, but I still remained distrustful of politicians in general. I felt like I could serve my community in many ways on a grassroots level that preceeded politics. I started to see the Obama campaign doing that grassroots work. I hear him speaking about poor people, the environment, things that I haven't heard from politicians who have electability. My criticism of the political system is that it siphons out rational thought because you have to be all things to all people. You can't stand for anything doing that.

I remember when Obama spoke out against the war, early. I think the time he spent as a civil rights attorney on Chicago's south side gives him a unique perspective. I often hear about his lack of experience, but his experience is one that I most closely identify with. I'm not saying I could be president, but I am saying that our government could use a new energy. In order for a revolution to happen, you need revolutionary writers, soldiers, teachers, poets, musicians, garbage men, cab drivers, politicians, across the board. Everyone will not always agree, but the things we agree on, we should strengthen. When I was younger, none of this really mattered. Now I have two beautiful children, and Barack Obama is an incredibly positive influence on them. I want them to know they can be anything they want.

With that said, I still feel the same as I do about the political system, and one man can't change it. But this man deserves our support nonetheless. I appreciate what he's doing, and there comes a time in history when change is necessary for all of us to prosper. I can't be critical of a society that is scared of change, but be stubborn in my ways for the sake of it.

I support Barack Obama and encourage others to take a real look at his campaign so they can come to their own conclusions. I am not delusional about what the office of the president represents, but my support for him is just that, support for someone speaking my language amidst an ocean of doubletalk.

Thank you for you time.

Talib Kweli, CEO, Blacksmith

I'm pretty sure they can all hear my heart beating out of my chest...

The store is too brightly lit for five in the morning. It smells like a strange mix of halloween candy, makeup, and photo processing chemicals. Ah, the aroma.

Luckily, I have a friend along side me, to support me, in case I panic and become suddenly irrational... they can do the talking for me.

Thankfully, I'm able to approach the store employee and easily procure all of the items I'd intended to buy [without any of the embarrassing or horrific outcomes I'd imagined coming true]. Success!

Most of the fear and confusion I've had surrounding today has had nothing to do with the current situation or people who are in my life at this time. It had everything to do with a situation that I was forced to deal with almost 8 years ago. Then is not now, and they are not you. I am obviously not the same as I was 8 years ago. I grew and fought.

The pain, fear, and sadness might eventually fade with time; but my dreams will always be filled with the memories of powerlessness. I'm haunted by the images I remember, and terrified of the ones I can't recall.

I'm different and the same, now. The things that have happened in order to shape my life have been extraordinary, baffling, and frustrating at varying times. I'm never afraid to be alone... it's being lonely that I'm afraid of... and when you push enough people away, you end up both alone and lonely.

Then what?

We're screwed if she gains power...

From her interview with People Magazine, found here: http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20235099,00.html

People: Have you traveled with the kids anywhere in the lower 48?

SP: Yes. Many, many, many times. Yes. Yes. We go to Hawaii often. That's a good trip for Alaskans because it's a direct flight down there.

*head to desk*

Please, Republicans. Please.
I'm begging you.

Use whatever common sense you have.
If you have none; you may borrow mine.

If you choose to vote, please be informed:
http://ballotpedia.org/wiki/index.php/Washington

2008 General Election Voters' Guide:

http://wei.secstate.wa.gov/osos/en/Pages/OnlineVoterGuideGeneral2008.aspx?electionid=26

Vote smart!

Obama-Biden Tax Calculator

Go ahead, just for kicks...

Very clever!

I believe Sarah Palin is a poor representation of "women" in the US. I'm certainly not like her, nor do I aspire to be like her. It's not just her politics. Those are bad, but her personality has proven to be even worse.

She refers to her Wasilla-born supporters as the "everyday joe".

Who the hell am I, then... the single twenty-something woman, gainfully employed, with no children, who pays her taxes early every year, but still can't get ahead? I'm pretty sure that's on the back burner, along with the heap of taxes placed upon those of us without the benefit of "deductions".

Our society is obsessed with obtaining things. Why? Because you get money. People like money, because they're either greedy or needy.

I believe that as you place a greater burden on the system, you pay more taxes. Make more money? More taxes. Own lots of land? More taxes. Make less money? Less taxes. Own no land? Less taxes.

Mo money, mo problems, more taxes. You're paying for "freedom", remember?

It unsettles me that Warren Buffett is paying 17% income tax while I pay 25% or more.

What irks me more is giant corporations pay taxes, with all of these loopholes and write-offs, tax breaks and careless spending without consequence. The individual is less of a problem for the system than the corporation in this day and age. Our corporations call the shots now. Of all of the billions of dollars Chevron, Shell, Exxon, etc are making, they could solve our national debt and give us all some spending cash. If the companies came about their profits 'fairly' I may feel different, but the slime/lobbying that exists in the oil industry is disgusting.

[just an example. the oil industry is not the only example of corruption and greed, and not all corporations are corrupt and greedy. no sense in generalizing unfairly.]

It's time to change the playing field so the middle class [what's left of it] has a chance to survive as waters keep rising, trying to flood us out...

I pray by the time I'm her age, I won't have committed a fraction of the moral and federal crimes that this woman has been able to commit, seemingly without consequence.

Play here:

http://www.palinaspresident.us/

Ooooh... I hate polls.

As a voter, I hate polls. I never get polled!!

I always feel under-represented as the cynical democrat turned independent-socialist-liberal.

I frequent www.pollster.com, to see if my unique political mindset might have been represented at any point... alas, no luck.

A friend recommended this site, and I recommend it as well, as it is a more in-depth analysis... http://www.fivethirtyeight.com/ Great information; everything from Tipping Point States to Likely Electoral Votes. Check it out.

With this year's political season entering its final weeks, I'm starting to follow the election.

I've researched the candidates and their views, listened to the three Presidential debates and one VP debate, and have done my best to be [what I consider] an "informed voter".

I have a hard time dealing with the fact that there are things about both candidates I'll never know, but I suppose that's true of all people. How do you know that new friend you've just made wasn't a serial killer in her hometown of Lafayette, Louisiana? People's true colors and intentions rarely come out until they're put in the situation, under the gun.

That said, I don't believe ANY job will prepare you to be President, so we rely on candidates to "prove" that they have good judgment, diplomacy, and communication.

I don't want a president who will go around bucking convention for convention's sake; I want a president who will learn from our past 100 years of progress [and failures] and take us forward. I don't mind a president who learns on the job, so long as they're making decisions based on sound judgment, with the input of other intelligent people.

I want my president to be intelligent.
President of the Harvard Law Review?
Yes, please.

I realize that real-world experience is invaluable.
But... a Harvard degree... man, that's hard to beat.
[Especially when his wife has one to match.]

I'm [generally] in favor of more intelligent people in power, across the board.

Call me crazy, but if you have to pass difficult physical and emotional tests to become a Navy SEAL, why would we expect any less of our president?

I'm in favor of implementing an American Gladiators Gauntlet, followed by Jeopardy-style trivia, followed by a debate; all occurring within three days.

Maybe that'll be enough to prove you're worthy enough to lead.
We're all waiting for proof, but unfortunately, we're don't get it until we cast our ballot.

On November 4, 2008 we will make history.
On January 20, 2009 we will make change.

Dedicated to my dear friend Wiwille (sirsurly)

I wasn't tagged by Wiwille, but I'm going to pretend he's not ridiculously apathetic.

Rules:

1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Mention the rules on your blog.
3. List six unspectacular things about you.
4. Tag six other bloggers by linking to them.

Six unspectacular things about Jessica:

1. I don't like tomatoes or tomato products. Including ketchup.
2. I have Fibromyalgia.
3. I like Obama's communication skills and intelligence.
4. I've never watched Indiana Jones.
5. I've never had a meatball sub.
6. I have 3 cats.

I don't have anyone to tag. :(

You remind me of the babe... What babe?

The highly anticipated new video for Britney Spears' new single, Womanizer, has just been released. Please, take a listen. I'll give you a minute to think it over on your own.

http://www.mtv.com/overdrive/?vid=288244

Mmm. That was hot, huh? I mean, I give the girl credit where credit is due. Bravo on looking like you never had kids. Too bad you also acted as if you never had kids, as well. However, Team Britney swears that this is just a temporary setback (yeah, temporary) and that her career will return to at least a pale shadow of its former glory. There is nobody I know that would reject naked Britney in a sauna, she looks amazing as either a dangerous redhead and with a short black bob suited for any dominatrix. I'm sure her sons are so proud... sniff.

The music is a gimmick, the poor girl is a gimmick, and she's been used by American media for way too long. Free Britney! Let her just... return to her southern roots. Playing amongst broken, smashed cars, rusted washing machines in the yard, and tree climbin' are all just part of growing up in America, after all. We want to make sure that the Spears' kids have the same down-home country childhood that was provided for Britney and Jamie-Lynn. Those boys will be in show business as soon as they can say "con-tract" or when they escape. Whatever comes first.

Thank you, MTV, for reminding me why I'm angry at you. Not only for feeding the consumer machine. Oh, no my friend. Also for bastardizing music and dictating the 10 songs that America will deem "AWESOME" and "so hot" for two weeks; until something shiny or The Jonas Brothers distract them.

MTV, I'll respect you when you actually PLAY MUSIC on your music television station.
Britney, good luck escaping the Labyrinth.

Blogs are social suicide waiting to happen.

I'm bound to make a mistake. Change my story, exaggerate a fact, forget a detail... all of those things that humans do on a regular basis, sometimes without noticing.

For that reason alone, I refuse to post (personal) relationship information on my blog. Does that make me boring? No. And, F you. It makes me responsible. It says to me that I respect the bond I might have with another person well enough to leave our details offline, away from Google's sneaky search algorithms that seem to find the tiniest detail. The detail that comes out at exactly the wrong time... at work, in a new friendship, or to your parents, even.

I've been fired from a job (after I quit) because I mentioned that the following Friday would be my last day at (insert specific company name here). Since my blog was not private, the company considered it to be slanderous to write about them in ANY manner in my blog, and that I would be better off finishing my last two weeks of work from home. After I surrender keys and badge, of course...

If I have to hear one more news story, read one more whiny blog, or hear ONE MORE friend cry over posting information (that may or may not be in their best interest) and receiving the consequences, I might blow my lid. At the very least, I'm not listening anymore. Stop making stupid decisions and perhaps... well, maybe stupid things will stop happening to you!

Also, unrequited love is more common that love that works. Love alone is not enough. Give me loyalty and compassion. Love begins with caring about others more than you care about yourself. Putting the needs of others in front of yours when it matters. Learn how to balance your energy so that you have enough for both yourself and your mate. You're no good to anyone if you're limp and lifeless... what ever happened to the idea of finding my "better half"? Is all hope lost?

Reading anonymous letters to blogger's unrequited loves has made me laugh at most people, cry for a few of them, and genuinely hope that I find my better half. Since I don't have a better half, I can write a letter to what I hope they may be...

To my better half,

We're smart enough to know that love is not enough alone. We know we can't read each others minds. We respect each other because we're both intelligent, funny, and worldly. We love to travel, and love to stay home, all in moderation. I care about your day, and how you're feeling, but don't feel the need to constantly talk about it, which you find refreshing. You fall in love with me because after learning your favorite candy on our first date, I come prepared to our second date (at a movie we'll both like). You enjoy the company of my friends, and I enjoy your goofy friends. We will inevitably do some of the things couples do... Hikes, camping, BBQ with friends, weekend trips, road trips, and painting my kitchen/bath/bedroom or whatever may need painting at the time... :)

We're not with any organized religion, we're both politically interested, open-minded. We might like to watch things like the Presidential Debates and get our kicks at the expense Fox News, but my DVR is also full of shows... the office, days of our lives (which i won't force you to watch, don't worry), my name is earl, various travel channel and history channel programs, entourage, psych, and Paris Hilton's My New BFF. Yes, I'm serious. I'm also the right mix of smart, sassy, sweet, and successful. I believe in myself and am excited for the twists and turns that life provides. I'm looking for someone... a partner in crime, if you will, to navigate the road with me.

And I put out.
Yes, really.
Once you've proven yourself to be reliable, forthright, and at least 2 of the things I mentioned above. Now, wait for it... I just chased away 99% of the men that might have had a chance with me. The last 1% wears tighty whities, which requires a prompt and quiet exit from my dating life. Tighty whities haunt me in my dreams and are not what my potential sexy man should wear for my viewing pleasure. *shudder*

Dating is meant to expose you to different people, of which some may be worthy of my love, right? I think I'm going to wait til I heal a bit more before I attempt that. It sounds like this might be a lot of work.

John McCain - Has not yet heard of Chernobyl

(CNN) -- Republican vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin denied Saturday that she had abused her power as Alaska's governor, a conclusion reached by a state investigator in a report released the day before.

http://edition.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/10/11/palin.investigation/

I need to learn how she just ignores the findings of an independent and theoretically unbiased and fully objective state investigator.

State investigator: She's a she-beast battle-axe armed with a rifle and golden blonde highlights!

Sarah Palin's response: "Nu-uh... Maverick!"
(don't quote me, I'm para-phrasing and imaginating)

Clearly, I'm having a hard time with this political season. I need to make sense of it all, so I swore celibacy (okay, attempted celibacy) on my collection of Cosmopolitan, US Weekly, and People Magazines. They were the most sacred text available in the land.

Sideways cat says, vote with your brain. If you don't have a brain, don't vote.

If you give a mouse a website...

Well, I figure if I'm going to take over the world (by which I mean my couch), I might as well dominate as many websites as possible... myspace, facebook, livejournal... and now Blogger.

I apologize in advance [no, not fucking really] because I'm bound to make someone mad. Extra points if I make someone cry.

For those of you who know me, hooray!
For those of you yet to know me, just... wait.

Now time for pie.